1. Obsessively checking hour-by-hour weather updates.
2. Feeling smug when you make it out the house and back in time before the afternoon downpour.
3. Worrying that your dog is looking bored.
4. Explaining out loud to your dog that things could be a lot worse right now.
5. Instead of dreaming about wonderful holidays or fantasy romances, your nighttime thoughts revolve around those really exciting plans you’ve got coming up. In six weeks’ time.
6. Or you sleep restlessly under the impression that someone is trying to force-feed you wilted broccoli stems.
7. Letting out an involuntary squeal in the dairy aisle when you discover there is an offer on the yoghurts.
8. Feeling accomplished that you made it a whole week without being forced by necessity to change your outfit.
9. Saying, out loud, “Ooh, I can’t wait to have a shower this evening,” because you’re so excited to use the new shampoo that was on sale.
10. Considering the earliest acceptable time to get to bed on a Saturday night.
11. Feeling excited just before you fall asleep, because when you wake up it will be breakfast time.
12. Reflecting that breakfast is probably as good as it will get today.
13. Envying your dog’s life of sleeping, eating, and occasional exercise.
14. Bulking up your daily To-Do List with points such as, “Take a shower” and “Remember to have the last egg in the fridge for lunch.”
15. Your alter-ego’s back story is more fleshed out than the characters from Twilight.
16. You find yourself wondering if people would have anything more to say than “She really liked weak tea” in remembrance of your planetary existence.
17. Staring forlornly on more than one occasion at your old school uniform.
18. A ‘big night out’ now means driving to pick up a takeaway and falling asleep on the couch at 10PM.
20. Thinking ‘to hell with it’ and ‘you only live once’ when deciding to order a normal latte rather than a skinny one.
21. Having to use physical restraint on yourself to prevent any reckless behaviour in the local haberdashery shop. SEQUIIIINS.
22. Using household chores as a way to break up the day a bit.
23. Watching internet videos of fading popstars attempting to stage a ‘comeback’ and being unable to conclusively say whether their situation is less desirable than your own.
*NB – The author would like to point out that all these points are the product of an active imagination, and have no baring whatsoever on events from her own life.
Now if you’ll excuse her, she has to unstack the dishwasher and research glue guns.